Conflict, Communication, and Your Emotional Vocabulary
by Pamela Jett, CSP
The deepest need of the human soul is to be understood.
I believe this to be true and it is especially true during conflict and confrontation or emotionally charged situations. We are looking for others to “get it” or to understand what we are feeling. And, when we don’t feel understood it can lead to genuine frustration, damaged relationships, and increased conflict.
While we can’t make people better listeners and we can’t improve the empathy skills of others, we can do one simple thing that will increase the likelihood that we will be more fully understood during emotional conversation. We can build our emotional vocabularies.
I believe that many of us are walking around with fairly limited emotional vocabularies. We feel rich, complex, and diverse emotions, but we tend to rely on the same limited number of words to express those feelings. For example, when we are feeling confused and frustrated by another’s behavior we often simply say we are “angry.” Or, when we are feeling lonely and under-appreciated we might simply say we are feeling “sad.” Or, when we are feeling overwhelmed and out of control we might resort to labeling that complex state as simply being “stressed.”
Is it any wonder that we don’t feel understood when we are oversimplifying our emotional states? If you are looking for others to better understand what you are feeling, get better at accurately expressing those feelings. Build your emotional vocabulary.
When you more accurately describe your internal state, you will likely receive a more on target or “understanding” response from others. While this doesn’t solve all the challenges during emotional conversations, it can help us each feel more understood and that is a great place to start!
This blog originally posted by Pamela on her site. http://www.jettct.com/blog/conflict-communication-and-your-emotional-vocabulary/
Confessions of a Recovering Closet Rhino
Twelve years old, five feet ten inches tall … the TALLEST person in my Junior High School Class … desperately wanting to be Just Like The Rest Of The Kids !!
Ummm … THAT just wasn’t going to happen was it?
Since belonging to a group, or for the sake of this conversation, a herd of COWS is something that is hardwired into our DNA as human beings, I was DRIVEN to find a herd
that would accept me and that I would be comfortable with because they were just like me …
So, I found a group of “nerdy” kids … that word did NOT even exist back then by the way … and we learned and studied together. But, after a while I noticed that I was
beginning not to be able to relate to those “COWS” any more. I was way more independent than most of those kids. I LOVED sports and none of them did. So, without
even knowing it, I started looking for another herd of “COWS”… I was always trying to JUST fit in …
The problem with “always trying to fit in” is that it just doesn’t work really well long term. The truth of who you really are will always show itself.
I was a Closet Rhino … a Rhino wearing Cow Hide to blend in. Sure, it worked for a while … but that darn HORN kept popping out and showing itself.
And, when THAT happened, the other little cows got scared and they ran away and left me. Or, I charged the white picket fence, broke through and found
myself in the middle of another herd of COWS that almost felt comfortable.
There comes a point in life when you just understand, on a gut level, that you have to find other COWS that have that horn too. Trading one herd of COWS for
another just stops making sense after a while. THAT is the beginning of becoming an ENLIGHTENED RHINO. Once you are aware .. you are always aware.
Awareness allows something very interesting to happen …
All of a sudden, you are able to see LOTS of OTHER Closet Rhinos wearing Cow Hide and YOU just want to let them know that YOU SEE who they really are,
even if they aren’t aware of it themselves. And then things get really interesting.
When I decided to take ownership of my Rhinohood, a great, wise ENLIGHTENED RHINO found me and started teaching me how to live
life as a real Rhino. Sometimes it was really hard, because all I wanted to do was put my Cow Hide back on because being a Rhino was just too much work.
But, as my Rhino teacher encouraged me, and helped me understand that being anything less than a Rhino was NOT living my life the way I
was supposed to live my life, I really began to appreciate being a Rhino. And, I was able to start encouraging other closet Rhinos to come out of hiding.
Some of them did, some of them still are, and many others will soon get rid of that Cow Hide and claim their own Rhinohood.
There are sooo many benefits to living a great big Enlightened Rhino life. That horn is a power tool. And when you learn to use it the right way, the closet door just
gets smashed to smithereens one day and you are FREE. Enlightened Rhinos are POWERFUL. They CHOOSE who they hang out with, which field of lush green grass
they eat from and which watering hole they choose to call home. And they do it surrounded by other Enlightened Rhinos.
Rose is the Executive Chef and Chief Rhino In Charge of the Internet’s ONLY Attraction Marketing Training Kitchen. Rose is always teaching and empowering other Closet Rhinos to bust through the door, live a powerful Rhino life and learn how to whip up more profits both online and offline !! Marketing and Mindset are Daily Specials at the AMTK. Rose is also a featured blogger on thatMLMbeat.com where she blogs about … BLOGGING. Her recent e-Book, Dead Blogs Don’t Lie, 7 Secrets To A Wildly Popular High Traffic Blog has received rave reviews.
